I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
