but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
