Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
