i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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