It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
