high people should be assigned attendants
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
