gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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