I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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