Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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