You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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