So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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