can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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