So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
