He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have aggressive nipples.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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