So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
