Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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