Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
