I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
