She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
