i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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