Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
