ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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