I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
