I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
