Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
