i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize