You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
