It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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