He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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