and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
