On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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