Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
