This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
