The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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