Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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