I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
