woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
