If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
