I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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