Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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