Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
