I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
