I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
