dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
