No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
