i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
