got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
