if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
