I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
