You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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