she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
