I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
