What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
