I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
