I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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