Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
