Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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