I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
