I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
