I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
