Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
