but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
