I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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