is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
