I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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