some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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